How to navigate grandparents doing baby’s bedtime

1. Set Clear Expectations and Share the Routine

One of the most important things you can do is to communicate clearly with the grandparents about your baby's needs. Share any details of your baby's day, including:

• Nap times and bedtime: Let them know the usual times your baby goes down for naps and for the night or how you tell they might need to have a sleep.
• Sleep environment: Explain where your baby sleeps and how the sleep space is set up (e.g., cot, blackout curtains, white noise machine).
• Wind-down routine: Share any pre-sleep rituals like reading a book, singing a lullaby, or a specific order of activities that help your baby relax and prepare for sleep.

Having a written or printed schedule can be incredibly helpful, especially for the first few times grandparents are in charge. This gives them a clear guide to follow and can help ease any anxiety about "getting it right."

Try out this template to cover all of the key points!

2. Communicate Your Baby's Sleep Cues

Babies often have specific cues that indicate they're ready for sleep, such as rubbing their eyes, yawning, or becoming fussier. Make sure to explain these cues to the grandparents so they can recognise when it’s time to start the sleep routine.

• Share your strategies: Whether it’s a specific rocking motion, a favourite song, or a gentle pat on the back, let grandparents know what typically works to help your baby drift off to sleep!
• Worst case scenario: What do you do if everything goes a little funky? Detail any extra sleep or things you do if your little one gets particularly fussy at sleep times. This could be a car ride, a contact nap or even a bath.

3. Be Patient and Reassuring

It’s important to remember that grandparents might be nervous about taking on the responsibility of helping with sleep, especially if it’s been a while since they had a baby to care for. Be patient and offer reassurance:

• Encourage practice sessions: If possible, have grandparents spend time with your baby during the bedtime routine while you’re still around. This way, they can ask questions, and you can provide guidance in real-time.
• Reassure them: Let them know that it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. Babies are resilient and if their needs are met with love and care, they will adjust.

4. Discuss Comfort and Soothing Techniques

Every baby has their own way of being comforted. Share with the grandparents the methods that work best for your baby:

• Preferred comfort items: If your baby uses a dummy, a particular blanket, or a favourite stuffed animal, make sure grandparents know where to find these items and how to use them.
• Soothing techniques: Explain how you typically soothe your baby if they wake up and how you would like them to respond. Whether it’s rocking, feeding, patting, or just sitting quietly in the room, sharing these details can help grandparents feel more confident in their role.

5. Address Any Safety Concerns

Sleep safety is crucial and it’s important to ensure that grandparents are up to date on the latest guidelines:

• Safe sleep environment: Remind them about the importance of placing the baby on their back to sleep and keeping the cot free of loose blankets, pillows, and toys. You can refer them to helpful safe sleep advice websites like The Lullaby Trust.
• Monitor use: If you use a baby monitor, show them how it works and where they can keep it while the baby is sleeping.

6. Offer Flexibility and Support

While it’s important to communicate your baby’s routine and preferences, it’s also helpful to be flexible. Every caregiver, including grandparents, may have their own approach and we need to make sure you allow them their own unique of soothing too! It's unrealistic to expect an exact replica of your response and important that grandparents feel trusted too!

• Encourage open communication: Let grandparents know that they can reach out to you if they have any concerns or questions during the sleepover. This helps create a support system where they don’t feel like they’re on their own.
• Set up check-in times: You might like to set up check-in times where you can call, share pictures or text to get regular updates and not feel like you are overwhelming them.

7. Prepare Your Baby for the Change

Preparing your baby can make a big difference:

• Familiarisation: Let your baby spend one-on-one time with grandparents before the actual night or nap. This can help them feel more secure when the time comes.
• Keep it positive: Talk to your baby about the upcoming time with their grandparents, even if they’re too young to understand fully. Your positive tone can help set the stage for a smooth transition.

8. Trust the Process

Finally, it’s important to trust both your baby and the grandparents. This experience can strengthen the bond between them and help your baby feel secure with different caregivers:

• Let go of perfection: Understand that things might not go exactly as planned, and that’s okay. What matters most is that your baby is cared for and loved.
• Celebrate victories: If the sleepover goes well, celebrate it! If there are bumps along the way, discuss what worked and what didn’t, and adjust for the next time.

Getting grandparents involved in supporting your baby’s sleep is a wonderful way to create lasting memories and build a strong bond between your child and their grandparents. Not to mention, it is important for you to have some time away too!”