Our very own team member Jennifer Hawley has bravely shared her story of miscarriage, in the hope of starting a conversation that may help others.
Here’s Jennifer’s story, in her words:
My early pregnancy journey
'My husband and I had been eager to start a family since getting married in April 2022 and decided in September 2023 to start trying. We were fortunate enough to get pregnant right away and got our first positive test at the end of October. Obviously, we were overjoyed and excited, but never really anxious. Perhaps naively so, it never crossed our minds that we wouldn’t have a baby at the end of this journey. But sadly, just a couple of weeks later we found ourselves in the Early Pregnancy Unit hearing the dreaded words ‘you’re having a miscarriage’. It was the most painful experience we had both been through, but we tried to stay as positive as we could, ‘they say 1 in 4, I’m sure we’re just an unlucky statistic’, is what kept going through my mind. In December 2023, we decided we were going to try again, and luckily enough, in January 2024 we got our second positive pregnancy test. This time round was different – though we still believed the odds should be in our favour, there was always an underlying anxiety and ‘what if’s’. A month later, we were back in the Early Pregnancy Unit hearing the words ‘I’m sorry for your loss’. This time didn’t feel like a statistic that we could rationalise. Not only were we navigating our second loss and the emotional pain that comes with that, but we also had to go through physical complications for months after, which I can only describe as the deepest form of torture. That is a trauma that I will carry with me forever.’
Finding professional help and support
'During our first loss, we told very few people and carried on with life as normal. That’s when I found Tommy’s – it was the reassurance and the outlet that I needed when I felt like all of these thoughts and emotions were bubbling over, desperately trying to seek answers in a world of unknown. And after our second loss, that’s when I really started to explore the work that Tommy’s do. I discovered the research and studies they had undertaken, including the PROMISE trial, which really put me in a position to advocate for myself in this journey. I had the information, I had the stats, I knew my options going forward. We were fortunate that after our second loss our hospital referred us to the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic where we could receive investigations and specialised help. We also visited a fertility specialist who advised us on nutrition, supplements, lifestyle and from there I began weekly acupuncture appointments – we were at the point of trying everything and anything to not go through the trauma again.’
Empowered to move towards
‘Pregnancy loss was something I knew very little about until I had to go through it, and so I didn’t have any knowledge of how to navigate it or how to move forwards. That’s where the professional help really made a difference – it allowed me to feel empowered in being able to advocate for myself, for my husband and for our future family.’
Support for my partner
‘My husband also used the Tommy’s website to seek out the facts, statistics and some reassurance of his own that everything was going to be ok.’
Doing things differently
‘Looking back, I wish I’d have taken the time to process our first loss. And this is the difficulty with early pregnancy loss, you likely haven’t shared your pregnancy with anybody yet and so you feel like you also can’t share your loss. But you are grieving, and you should allow yourself to feel supported. A loss is a loss, they may have only been in your world for a short time but for a short time, they were your world.’
Feeling positive about the future
‘I can happily say that I am now currently 4 months pregnant and feeling blessed beyond belief. Pregnancy after loss is extremely hard, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions, it’s worrying every minute of every day if your baby is ok, it’s seeking constant reassurance. It robs you of the excitement you should feel on this journey, but day by day, scan after scan, as the reassurance sets in, so does the excitement.’
Mamas & Papas partnership with Tommys
‘Tommy’s has helped me through the most difficult times in my life and I am so proud that as a business, we are partnering with such an amazing charity. From the research they carry out to the free help and advice they offer to anyone who needs it, I can’t imagine where I would be on my journey if it wasn’t for them, and I so badly want other parents to be able to benefit from their work. It really does change lives.’
My words of support to someone going through pregnancy loss
‘Never lose hope. ‘If you don’t have hope, what do you have?’ – I told myself this every day after our second loss, when I did have moments of hopelessness. Reach out for support, whether that be friends, family or Tommy’s, there are people waiting to help you through whatever your situation. You’re never alone.’
Half of adults in the UK have experienced baby loss or know someone who has. We're committed to working with Tommy's whose research is here to change this, providing hope and support for every pregnancy journey.
Half of adults in the UK have experienced baby loss or know someone who has. We're committed to working with Tommy's whose research is here to change this, providing hope and support for every pregnancy journey.
