How it feels to go through a ‘Chemical Pregnancy’

You might not have heard of ‘Chemical Pregnancy.’ Our very own Digital Content Manager Chloe McMackin certainly hadn’t - until she experienced it for herself. Here she bravely shares how it felt to go through this type of pregnancy loss.

‘I’d never even heard the term ‘Chemical Pregnancy’ until I had one myself. I came to learn that it’s an early loss of a pregnancy before the five-week mark and they’re actually fairly common. A lot of people aren’t aware that they’ve had one, they just think they’ve come on their period as normal and it’s heavier than usual. But when you’ve experienced the joy of seeing those two little lines appearing on that all-important test, it’s still heartbreaking the moment you realise that something is wrong.

At first, I brushed off my symptoms, hopeful that it was just my body adjusting to being pregnant, or perhaps it could be implantation bleeding (it’s amazing how quickly you learn all the lingo). When things started to worsen overnight, I decided to take another pregnancy test and, this time, was greeted by the words I didn’t want to see – ‘not pregnant’. Part of me still hoped it was wrong and I called the doctors to try and speak to someone. I managed to get a phone appointment later that day, but every minute felt like a lifetime and I just wanted answers.

Had I not worked for Mamas & Papas, I’m not sure I would’ve known that Tommy’s had a Midwife Helpline but I gave them a call and left an answer phone message. Within 10 minutes, an amazing midwife called me back and confirmed I had indeed had a chemical pregnancy. She was so reassuring and sympathetic, explaining what a chemical pregnancy was and what I could expect to happen next. I was home alone at the time, but I felt so comforted and grateful to be able to speak to someone so quickly given the circumstances. I’ll always be thankful to Tommy’s that their helpline exists and provides such care in a dark time.

Knowing what would happen next also really helped. Before you’ve experienced miscarriage, you feel sorry for people you know have had one but you don’t really think about what they physically have to go through and what has to happen afterwards. I know from friends’ experiences that this only becomes more harrowing the further along you are in your pregnancy.

After the initial shock, my main worry was around trying again and whether there might be an underlying cause that meant we wouldn’t be able to conceive. My advice to anyone trying for a baby is that it does really test your patience. It’s easy to become obsessed with ovulation windows and counting down to the next moment you can take a pregnancy test, but you just have to try to stay positive and calm. I’m incredibly lucky to say that we conceived again quite quickly and, while the chemical pregnancy did make me more anxious, deep down I felt like I knew everything was going to be okay the second time around and in April 2023 we welcomed our perfect little boy, Charlie.

It was only after he was born that it really sunk in that, had my first pregnancy been successful, we would have a completely different child now. I wouldn’t change our cheeky, clever, curly-haired boy for the world and, as horrible as it was to go through, I always tell myself that it was meant to be and just made it all the sweeter when we finally met our baby.

It’s totally understandable that some people don’t want to talk about their experience of baby loss but, where they are comfortable, I think it can provide a great source of comfort to others who find their pregnancy journey isn’t as smooth-sailing as you always assume it will be, hence I was keen to share my story when asked. I hope it helps to raise awareness of what a chemical pregnancy is and gives hope to anyone who may have experienced one. I’ve always been proud to work for Mamas & Papas but feel even more appreciative given this important partnership with Tommy’s, amplifying all the amazing work the charity does to support families and help save babies lives.’